Self-Compassion

• About Compassion and Self Compassion

  • The research literature considers compassion as “omnidirectional”, meaning, whether one is giving or receiving compassion, both are receiving. Paul Gilbert says there are three modes of compassion… giving compassion to another, receiving compassion from another, and giving compassion to oneself. This means, that whether giving compassion to oneself or others, or receiving from another, the receiver and the sender receive the compassion. With self-compassion, we acknowledge when we ourselves need compassion, to replenish our human resources of food, rest, quiet, companionship, or whatever else we find nourishing.
    

• General Introduction to the Exercises

  • If you have had experiences that are still painful when they come to mind, they may arise during these exercises. When we have gone a long time without compassion, encountering compassion can bring up these strong emotions. We call this backdraft. It is a natural part of the process.

  • Handling backdraft is a skill not only for when doing these exercises but also for our daily life, thus managing backdraft is a basic life skill. We suggest using the “Three Zone Model”. The three zones are overwhelm, avoidance

• Managing Backdraft

  • The first zone is the relaxed, manaña zone. It is where we gravitate toward comfort, thinking that, we worked hard and need a rest, but don’t really get back to processing what was driving the backdraft. 

  • The third zone is overwhelm, a state that we’ve all experienced at one point or another. It is where our emotions are so strong, that we aren’t able to think clearly and are acting purely from emotion. Often, 10 minutes later, we snap out of it and regret our actions. On our course of self-compassion, this usually sets us back a bit, being a little more reluctant to do the work.

  • The second zone is the one where the emotions are present to the degree we can recognize and process them without being overwhelmed by them. This is where the work happens.

• Working with your emotions: Working with your emotions: Self-compassion can help us learn to work with our emotions, rather than against them, trying to manage them, or being carried away by them.

  • First, is to become aware that the emotions are building and that you are heading toward overwhelm, then apply the Self Compassion Break and use mindfulness, deep breathing, and grounding to avoid overwhelm and come back to equilibrium. Doing this is one of our most important life skills. 

  • Lastly, if you have experienced trauma or have difficulty at times managing your emotions, consider working with a good therapist, developing and maintaining a good support system, and work more with the Loving Kindness exercise. Find what works for you.